FADE IN:
FULL SHOT. ROADSIDE - DAY
A young HITCHER in his mid twenties stands at the side of
the road with his thumb stuck out. He holds a sign in
the other hand - a piece torn from a cardboard box that
has LONDON written on it in black marker.
Cars swish past him without stopping.
A battered old Toyota Corrolla stops. The passenger window
comes down. We hear music thudding from the car. The
young HITCHER leans in and exchanges words. He opens the
passenger door and gets in. The car moves off.
INT. TOYOTA CORROLLA - MOMENTS LATER
The driver is a rough looking scally in his mid thirties.
He wears a tracksuit and a baseball cap. Pink Floyd's
"The Wall" is playing, loud.
SCALLY
What you off down there for then?
HITCHER
See our kid.
SCALLY
Ah right. Live there does he?
HITCHER
Yeh.
SCALLY
Poor bastard.
HITCHER
Yeh. He likes it though.
SCALLY
Does he? I worked down there for
a bit. Strange set of cunts, I
thought. What part does he live
in then?
HITCHER
St Johns Wood.
SCALLY
Ah right. It's nice there though
innit.
HITCHER
Yeah, it's alright. Where were
you?
SCALLY
Hackney. Right shit hole.
2.
HITCHER
Never been there.
SCALLY
You dont fuckin wanna mate. Like
Holderness Road minus the fuckin
glamour.
HITCHER
Good as that?
SCALLY
Oh fuckin better.
(Beat)
HITCHER
Floyd. Nice one.
SCALLY
You into em?
He turns up the stereo.
SCALLY (CONT'D)
I fuckin love em me. Got
everything they ever did. Proper
fuckin head tunes.
HITCHER
Oh aye. Good for a smoke.
SCALLY
I'm glad you said that.
He points to the glove compartment.
SCALLY (CONT'D)
Old Holborn tin in there. Knock
one up man.
HITCHER
Oh nice one.
He opens the glove compartment, pulls out the tin. Opens
it up to reveal a packet of King Size Rizlas and a packet
of weed.
The SCALLY offers a cig from a packet on the dashboard.
HITCHER (CONT'D)
Ta.
He starts rolling a joint.
EXT. ROAD. - CONTINUOUS
The car rushes past a sign onto the M62. We hear Pink
Floyd banging out.
3.
INT. TOYOTA CORROLLA - LATER
The HITCHER takes a deep pull on the spliff and passes it
to the SCALLY.
SCALLY
Cheers man.
He tokes hard on it.
SCALLY (CONT'D)
Yeah, fuckin Hackney mate. Right
rough spot. Good laugh though.
Spent a few months down there.
HITCHER
What was you doing?
SCALLY
Doing an house up. Well, doing a
few houses up. Flats and that.
Belonged to this Turkish bloke.
HITCHER
Painting em?
SCALLY
Yeah, painting, bit of re-wiring
and that. They all live in right
little pokey gaffs down there
dont they? All one bedroom flats,
fuckin tiny they were.
HITCHER
Yeah thats London innit. Charge
a fuckin fortune for em an'all.
SCALLY
Fuckin fortune is right. Couldn't
believe it when he told me how
much he rented em out for. A
fuckin grand a month some of em
man.
HITCHER
Fuckin hell.
SCALLY
I know. Robbin cunt.
He takes a good toke and passes it back.
SCALLY (CONT'D)
Good bloke though. Sorted us out
with some nice smoke.
HITCHER
Yeah?
4.
SCALLY
Oh aye. Well, they get all the
best gear dont they, them Turks
and Moroccans and that.
HITCHER
Yeah I suppose they must do.
(Beat)
SCALLY
What does your kid do down there
then?
HITCHER
He's at drama school.
SCALLY
What, like an actor?
HITCHER
Yeah. Well, learning to be one.
SCALLY
Has he been on the telly?
HITCHER
Nah. He's just training like.
SCALLY
How do you train to be an actor
then?
HITCHER
I dont know.
SCALLY
Fuckin love to do that, me.
HITCHER
Would yer?
SCALLY
Oh aye. Fuckin love films me.
Oh yes, listen to that!
He turns up the stereo as a guitar solo screams.
SCALLY (CONT'D)
Have you seen The Wall?
HITCHER
The film? Yeah, seen it a couple
of times.
SCALLY
Ever watched it tripping?
5.
HITCHER
I haven't no. Bet it's fuckin
mad innit?
SCALLY
Oh aye. Right on top. I nearly
fuckin lost it one time. Thought
the room had turned into a fuckin
fish tank.
HITCHER
A fish tank?
SCALLY
Yeah, like a big fuckin aquarium.
Thought me mate had turned into
one of them fishes, what they
called, them bastards that eat
you alive.
HITCHER
Pirhana?
SCALLY
Yeah, fuckin pirhana. Thought he
was gonna fuckin gobble me up
man. Eat me alive. Big fuckin
teeth on him like razor blades.
The HITCHER laughs.
SCALLY (CONT'D)
Oh aye, but it want fuckin funny
man. His face was like a fuckin
fish, y'know big googley eyes and
that. Fins growing out the top of
his fuckin swede.
The HITCHER laughs again and passes the spliff over.
HITCHER
That's fuckin ace.
SCALLY
Not for him it want. Freaked the
fuck out of me. I wellied the
cunt over the head with a golf
club.
The HITCHER explodes with giggles, wipes his eyes.
Composes himself.
HITCHER
Oh fuckin hell. Was he alright.
SCALLY
Was he fuck. Had to go to
Infirmary.
6.
The HITCHER explodes into giggles again.
SCALLY (CONT'D)
Cut his big fishy head open.
HITCHER
Oh, jesus ... fuckin hell.
He shrieks with laughter and then composes himself again.
HITCHER (CONT'D)
Sorry.
SCALLY
No, it served him right. Fuckin
tropical man eating cunt.
They both laugh.
EXT. M62. A LAY-BY - LATER
The Corrolla pulls into the lay by and the HITCHER gets
out.
P.O.V. OPEN PASSENGER WINDOW OF CORROLLA. - CONTINUOUS
The SCALLY peers out.
SCALLY
This do you mate?
HITCHER
Yeah, nice one. Cheers mate,
fuckin brilliant.
He offers the spliff back through the window.
SCALLY
Keep it for the road mate. I'll
roll another un.
HITCHER
Aw, cheers man.
SCALLY
No bother. Have a safe un.
He moves off, tooting his horn. Pink Floyd fades into
the distance as he zooms away.
The HITCHER watches him go. He sits down on the grass
verge by the side of the lay by and smokes the rest of
the spliff.
FULL SHOT M62. A LAY-BY - LATER
The HITCHER stands with his thumb out. Cars pass.
7.
EXT. M62. A LAY-BY - LATER
A small gold Honda Civic pulls up a few feet in front of
the HITCHER. The HITCHER picks up his bag and trots over
to the window, which remains closed. He peers in. Opens
the passenger door.
A greying man in his late fifties at the wheel. Glasses
and a beard. He doesn't look round.
HITCHER
Where you headed mate?
MAN
Just up the way here.
HITCHER
I'm off to London.
MAN
Yes.
(Beat)
HITCHER
That alright? London?
MAN
Get in.
The HITCHER gets in. The car moves off and joins the
traffic.
HITCHER
Nice one, thanks very much.
(Beat)
HITCHER (CONT'D)
Been stood there ages. Well,
feels like ages.
(Beat)
HITCHER (CONT'D)
Still, least it's not raining,
eh.
The MAN just drives, doesn't answer. Doesn't glance round.
(Beat)
HITCHER (CONT'D)
Where you headed?
(Pause)
MAN
I've been on a wasted journey.
8.
HITCHER
Ey? You what? I mean ... pardon?
MAN
I've been to Wales.
HITCHER
Wales?
MAN
I went to see my Uncle. But he
wasn't there. So my journey ...
was a wasted one.
HITCHER
Oh right.
(Pause)
HITCHER (CONT'D)
Did he know you were coming?
MAN
It's very frustrating. Now I'm
afraid I dont know what I'm going
to do.
HITCHER
Well ... er ... can't you ring
him up? See where he is, like?
MAN
I trained for six years to be an
accountant.
HITCHER
Did yer?
MAN
I did. Six years. Studied hard.
Passed my exams earlier this year.
My final exams.
HITCHER
Oh, nice one. Well done.
MAN
But now my Uncle wasn't there and
so that's six years down the drain.
Six years of my life. Wasted,
you see.
(Beat)
MAN (CONT'D)
I dont know what I'm going to do.
(Pause)
9.
HITCHER
Mate, I'm sorry, I dont follow
yer. How is it wasted?
MAN
Well, you see, I borrowed some
money from the firm. Unofficially.
Inadvertantly ... borrowed some
money. Do you see?
HITCHER
Er ... alright.
MAN
I'm not a thief. Please don't
think that.
HITCHER
Oh no, I didn't, I mean, I dont.
I mean ...
MAN
I was going to put it back. All
of it. But before I got the
chance, I was discovered. My
father. He found out what I'd
done.
HITCHER
Yer Dad?
MAN
My father, yes.
HITCHER
Is it like ... the family firm?
MAN
No.
(Pause)
MAN (CONT'D)
So my father said I had to go and
see my Uncle and he would deal
with me. But when I got to Wales
he wasn't there. So ... six years
training. Wasted.
(Pause)
HITCHER
Deal with yer?
MAN
Yes.
10.
HITCHER
How do yer mean ... deal with
yer?
MAN
Unless I can prove to my father
that I have been caned across my
bottom I will lose my job.
HITCHER
You what?!?!
MAN
But my problem is I don't know
anyone well enough to ask them to
do it for me.
He turns to look at the HITCHER for the first time.
MAN (CONT'D)
Do you see my problem?
(Pause)
HITCHER
Caned?
MAN
Hard. Across my bottom. Until it
bleeds.
(Pause)
They drive on in silence.
HITCHER
You're gonna have to stop the
car.
MAN
I'm sorry?
HITCHER
Stop the car. I'm gonna be sick.
MAN
I can't just stop ...
HITCHER
I'm gonna fuckin puke. Stop the
car.
MAN
Do you want to go for a cup of
tea? I'll buy you ...
HITCHER
STOP THE FUCKIN CAR - NOW!
(MORE)
11.
HITCHER (CONT'D)
STOP THE CAR OR I'LL PUKE UP ALL
OVER YOU AND ALL OVER YOUR BASTARD
CAR.
MAN
I dont think ...
The HITCHER raises his foot and smashes it hard into the
glove compartment.
HITCHER
I SAID FUCKIN NOW!
EXT. ROADSIDE - MOMENTS LATER
The Honda Civic pulls over onto the hard shoulder. The
HITCHER tumbles out of the passenger side and kicks the
door shut. He stands up and starts kicking at the car,
battering the roof with his fists as it attempts to nose
it's way back into the traffic.
HITCHER
GO ON FUCK OFF YOU FUCKIN DIRTY
OLD CUNT! I'LL KILL YER! I'LL
FUCKIN KILL YER, YER SICK BASTARD!
The car manages to squeeze back onto the motorway. It
drives off.
HITCHER (CONT'D)
CUNT!
The sound of a HGV horn, long and loud above the roar of
the passing traffic. The HITCHER looks across to the
oher side of the motorway.
FULL SHOT - HGV LORRY PARKED UP ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
MOTORWAY.
We see the LORRY DRIVER waving from the open window.
He's beckoning the HITCHER across.
The HITCHER waits for a gap, then runs to the central
embankment. Waits for another gap then runs to the lorry
and around to the passenger side.
He climbs up and into the lorry.
INT. HGV LORRY - CONTINUOUS
LORRY DRIVER
You alright mate.
HITCHER
Oh fuckin hell. Fuckin hell.
LORRY DRIVER
What happened?
12.
HITCHER
That bastard ...
The HITCHER is panting, in shock.
LORRY DRIVER
Who, that car?
HITCHER
Him ... fuckin pervert over there.
LORRY DRIVER
Him who's car you were leathering?
HITCHER
He wanted me to fuckin cane him.
Can't believe it.
LORRY DRIVER
CANE him?
HITCHER
He's a fuckin pervert ...
LORRY DRIVER
Alright, calm down ... give
yourself a minute ...
The LORRY DRIVER shifts the HGV into gear and moves off
onto the Motorway.
EXT. MOTORWAY - CONTINUOUS
The Lorry drives along the motorway.
INT. HGV LORRY - MOMENTS LATER
HITCHER
Fuckin hell thanks for stopping
mate.
LORRY DRIVER
You alright now?
HITCHER
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sound. Ta.
LORRY DRIVER
What happened?
HITCHER
That bloke. He wanted me to cane
him. Can't believe it. Can't
fuckin believe it.
(Beat)
LORRY DRIVER
Who is he?
13.
HITCHER
Fuck knows. He picked me up.
Just near Goole.
LORRY DRIVER
And he asked you to what? Cane
him?
HITCHER
Yeah. Across his arse. Till he
bled, he said.
(Pause)
LORRY DRIVER
Jesus.
He laughs.
HITCHER
I know. Fuckin mad innit.
LORRY DRIVER
He just asked you, outright?
HITCHER
Yeah.
LORRY DRIVER
What, out of the blue, like?
HITCHER
He said he'd been on a wasted
journey. Said he had to be
punished.
LORRY DRIVER
Punished? What for?
HITCHER
Said he'd nicked some money from
his job and got found out. Had
to prove he'd been punished.
That's what he said.
(Pause)
LORRY DRIVER
How much did he nick?
HITCHER
You what?
LORRY DRIVER
How much money did he rob?
HITCHER
Fuck knows. Why?
14.
LORRY DRIVER
You should have said gis half of
it and I'll kick fuck out of yer.
Give him a proper treat.
HITCHER
Fuckin hell.
They laugh and then drive on in silence. The HITCHER
reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cig packet. It's
empty.
HITCHER (CONT'D)
Have you got a cig please mate?
LORRY DRIVER
I dont smoke.
(Pause)
LORRY DRIVER (CONT'D)
Where was you going anyway?
HITCHER
London. To see me brother.
LORRY DRIVER
Right. Well I've just come from
there.
HITCHER
Where you going now?
LORRY DRIVER
Back to Hull.
HITCHER
Oh fucking great.
LORRY DRIVER
I can drop you off at the next
service station if you want.
HITCHER
No, thats alright, at. I'll go
home. Fuck it.
LORRY DRIVER
Whatever you want mate.
They drive on.
EXT. MOTORWAY - MOMENTS LATER
The lorry signals and moves into the middle lane.
INT. HGV LORRY - MOMENTS LATER
15.
P.O.V. PASSENGER WING MIRROR - MOMENTS LATER
The HITCHER is staring out of the window. The LORRY DRIVER
glances across and looks into the WING MIRROR.
The HITCHER notices him glancing across.
INT. HGV LORRY - CONTINUOUS
The HITCHER looks across at the LORRY DRIVER who is now
gazing straight ahead at the road.
The HITCHER turns to look out of the window again.
P.O.V. PASSENGER WING MIRROR - MOMENTS LATER
The HITCHER sees the LORRY DRIVER glancing across and
staring into the WING MIRROR again.
INT. HGV LORRY - CONTINUOUS
HITCHER
What the fuck are you looking at
mate?
LORRY DRIVER
Ey? You what?
HITCHER
You keep looking at me. Fuck are
yer looking at?!?
LORRY DRIVER
I wasn't looking at yer I was ...
HITCHER
Yes yer fuckin was. Fuckin staring
right at me.
The LORRY DRIVER laughs.
LORRY DRIVER
I wasn't, I was ...
HITCHER
Don't laugh at me you cunt.
LORRY DRIVER
Ey! Now fuckin behave yourself
or I'll ...
The HITCHER opens the passenger door and leaps out.
LORRY DRIVER (CONT'D)
JESUS FUCK! NO!
The screech of brakes and the sudden sounding of a horn.
FADE OUT:
